On Turning 72
Aging: Andie McDowell, Sarah Jessica Parker, Geena Davis
Turning 72
This month, in 8 days (November 22), it is hard to believe, I am going to be 72 years old. As a Boomer who was told to never trust anyone over 30, it has been quite a ride since I turned 50, 22 years ago.
This weather, fall, was always my favorite time of year, lovely leaves changing color and nice weather. Nowadays, the weather is so weird we don’t know if it is winter, spring, summer or fall. Some days it is all four. And in Nevada, we said if you don’t like the weather, wait 15 minutes. Here in Monterey ? Who knows. Some days it has been gloriously warm and sunny and other days gloomy, foggy and rainy (we need the rain). It is always a surprise these days.
My family’s genes have been in my favor in that I do look younger than my years. Fortunately, most people think that I am at least 10+ years younger than I am. Still, some questions I ponder are will I ever fall in love and find a romantic partner again? Go out on a date? Travel like I used to do. Adopt another furry best friend and companion.
As a woman, it has been increasingly odd to age. And yet, I have always loved and embraced this poem,
When I Am Old
by Jenny Joseph
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,
And I shall spend my pension
on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals,
and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings,
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats
and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me
are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old
and start to wear purple!
Here’s my response to being over the hill :
In 50 years, I will be over the rainbow at 122 !
I recall songs, memories of days gone by, and how inexpensive items used to be. Well, I was not here in this body in 1938 but in the 50’s, 60’s 70’s and 80’s well maybe even the 90’s, the cost of living was a lot better than it is now for many people.
I recall when renting a studio apartment in LA in the 70’s was about $125-150 a month including utilities. In NY in 1978, a dear friend and I shared a studio with a loft for $800 a month plus utilities. My first car payment was $50 a month. And food costs were maybe $50 a month, too.
We pay more for a lot of essential items now:
226% more for prescription drug prices for seniors
38% increase in healthcare prices
37% in college prices
32% in childcare prices
26% in housing prices
Food and gas too and wages have NOT kept up.
We are supposed to be receiving almost a 6% increase Cost of Living raise in 2022. Normally, it has been 1% for people who receive Social Security income.
Now, although some 50+ year old female stars/actors are embracing their grey hair (which I did for awhile, too when I was fed up with dying my hair reddish auburn), I now enjoy having purple hair.
Purple is my favorite color. And I always liked seeing women, generally younger gals, with various shades of the rainbow hair, from lavender to purple, blue, green, and more. This year, I went for it with a not permanent Argan oil color purple for my hair. It washes out after a few shampoos. Eventually, I may tire of it but for the past six months, I’ve been enjoying it. I get a lot of compliments and that’s fun, too.
It is very easy to feel invisible as a woman as we age in this society. People don’t take women over a certain age seriously (if they ever really did). And in the movies and on TV, women are too often portrayed as old grannies, grumpy, tired, old hags and definitely not vibrant and sexy.
Men are viewed as handsome, attractive, distinguished and eligible bachelors and their age doesn’t seem to matter at all. But women are seen to have lost their youthful glow and attractiveness to the opposite sex and beyond.
Some of the benefits of aging include long term friendships. I have known a few people for 40+ years now and we’ve been through just about everything together and apart. It is a real blessing to have friendships that have lasted very long. You can be yourself, warts and all.
Sometimes we have not seen one another or talked for years and then suddenly, boom we are having marathon telephone calls. Sometimes, we rehash the past. And the funny thing is, I remember something and the other person remembers the situation differently or doesn’t recall it at all.
In June, after the death of a mutual dear friend, teacher and coach, a couple of my longtime women friends and I have been there for one another in ways we have not been for awhile. Had two zoom calls with Maria in Germany. And the last chat we had revealed secrets and information that neither one of us expected nor knew about.
It is not easy when friends and family members start leaving the planet. You grieve and mourn their loss. But luckily for me, I am able to receive communications from those on the other side. And I’ve had dreams and completely unexpected clues, signs and wonders.
For example, since June after I learned about his sudden demise, I so far have had three dream phone calls from him. Odd way to greet me, let me know he is still around and interesting names keep popping up, too. Some people might call these coincidences but I do not believe in coincidences. Every human being has their own unique way of communicating, so for me these communications should have not come as a surprise. And yet, the surprise factor makes my heart happy and joyful. Feeling loved and no longer alone is a good thing.
It is too easy these days to feel isolated when there is so much conflict, chaos and division in the world, especially when your usual support network diminishes year after year. I cherish the memories of a well lived life and the amazing friendships that have endured over so many years.
My health has been challenging for the past 22 years. And I’ve been able to overcome fibromyalgia (chronic pain), breast cancer twice, osteoarthritis and am still dealing with some heart issues.
For a few years in my 60’s, due to the economy, loss of income and lack of affordable housing, I was sleeping in my car with my sweet and goofy Cici dog. Not fun and have been living in a new senior apartment for the past two years. There are a lot of barriers to aging in our society and we do not like to discuss death and loss and trauma much. But I believe things are changing for the better as the light is exposing much darkness that we’ve helped to reveal.
How does one go on when they feel depressed, sad and isolated? You’ve got to be able to find SOMETHING that you are passionate about and DO IT. I’ve continued writing even though I don’t make the income I’d prefer to have. I never thought that I would ever have to rely upon the government to feed and house me, but here I am on food stamps and living in subsidized housing with SSI and Social Security retirement as my income.
I started this newsletter last year in the hope that it would become a good source of income that could sustain me. So far, that has not happened and yet, I continue writing because I love doing so.
Am hoping to be able to increase my income, become independent of the government again and regain my health and vitality. Is it a realistic dream? I see other women living into their 80’s and 90’s and am inspired by them. Nothing is impossible, as my beloved mentor, friend, coach and teacher of 40+ years used to say : The Difficult we Do Immediately, the Impossible Takes a Bit Longer.
I love some of the Diane Keaton movies where she refutes those old woman myths and stereotypes. Shirley MacLaine and other women actors in Hollywood have done the same.
Here are some of the Golden Girls who are embracing their silver hair and aging in public gracefully.
Andie MacDowell is embracing her gray hair: ‘I’m a silver fox’
It may be Groundhog Day, but Andie MacDowell’s hair isn’t stuck repeating the past.
During a recent appearance on “The Drew Barrymore Show,” the 62-year-old actress said she’s “loving” her decision to embrace her gray hair during quarantine.
“I wasn’t coloring my hair and you could see my roots, and my daughters kept telling me that I looked badass. And that idea that I could look badass appealed to me,” the actress explained.
“So I went for it, and I’m loving it.”
Sarah Jessica Parker Slams Ageist Criticism About The Sex And The City Reboot
Carrie Bradshaw may still be answering burning relationship questions in HBO Max’s upcoming Sex and the City revival And Just Like That..., but the star who plays her has no time for your ageist criticism. In her new Vogue cover story published on Nov. 7, Sarah Jessica Parker slammed critics who had ageist comments about her appearance in the SATC reboot. “There's so much misogynist chatter in response to us that would never. Happen. About. A. Man,” she said, with the outlet reporting that she clapped in between each word.
Parker compared the comments about her appearance to her friend and Bravo honcho Andy Cohen, noting that people praise his “exquisite” gray hair but bash hers. “Why is it okay for him?” she asked. “Everyone has something to say. ‘She has too many wrinkles, she doesn’t have enough wrinkles.’ It almost feels as if people don’t want us to be perfectly okay with where we are, as if they almost enjoy us being pained by who we are today, whether we choose to age naturally and not look perfect, or whether you do something if that makes you feel better.” She concluded her thoughts by noting she can’t control how she ages. “I know what I look like,” she said. “I have no choice. What am I going to do about it? Stop aging? Disappear?”
Co-star Cynthia Nixon agreed with Parker’s sentiment, calling the show’s embrace of women’s 50-year-old bodies “revolutionary” for TV. “I like that we’re not trying to youthify the show,” she said. “We’re not including, like, a 21-year-old niece. I think it’s revolutionary to do a show about middle-aged women, with their aging lady bodies.” Their co-star Kristin Davis also questioned why some viewers were skeptical about the show’s return, attributing it to ageism. “People are like, ‘Why should they come back?’ and it really bugs me,” she remarked. “For me that is so indicative of our reluctance to sit and watch women’s lives develop over time.”
…HBO Max announced And Just Like That... in January after months of rumors, confirming that Parker, Nixon, and Davis would reprise their iconic roles of Carrie, Miranda Hobbes, and Charlotte York, respectively. Kim Cattrall is not returning as Samantha Jones — but almost everyone else is. The revival will feature Chris Noth as Mr. Big and the late Willie Garson as Stanford Blatch, marking one of his final onscreen roles.
And Just Like That... will start streaming on HBO Max in December.
SJP and Willie Garson had a decades-long friendship
In her tribute, she wrote: "It's been unbearable. Sometimes silence is a statement. Of the gravity. The anguish. The magnitude of the loss of a 30+ year friendship.
"A real friendship that allowed for secrets, adventure, a shared professional family, truth, concerts, road trips, meals, late night phone calls, a mutual devotion to parenthood and all the heartaches and joy that accompany, triumphs, disappointments, fear, rage and years spent on sets (most especially Carrie's apartment) and laughing late into the night as both Stanford and Carrie and Willie and SJ."
SJP said she'll "miss everything" about him and will replay their last moments together. She added: "Your absence a crater that I will fill with blessing of these memories and all the ones that are still in recesses yet to surface."
Embracing her Gray Roots
Paulina Porizkova praised Sarah Jessica Parker for embracing her gray roots in the public eye and making her feel like she’s “not a freak for aging.”
“I’ve been seeing photos of Sarah Jessica Parker in the media, and every time I think ‘oh thank you thank you!’” the 56-year-old supermodel wrote, sharing a selfie alongside a paparazzi photo of Parker, also 56, with her silver hair visible.
“Someone who is my age who looks like me. I see my lines and droops and silver roots mirrored, and I love it.” she continued.
“She makes me feel like I’m not a freak for aging – because fashionable, beautiful, stylish her – is doing it too.”
How Geena Davis is Fighting for Better Representation of Women On-Screen
Geena discusses her pioneering work with the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media and how she has helped change the statistics around representation in Hollywood.
Watch the Fast Company interview:
In the U.S., only 24% of professionals in science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) are women. Increasing media depictions of women in STEM encourages more girls and women to pursue STEM jobs in the real world.
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